Wills for Estranged People | How to Protect Yourself Legally and Mentally

If You’ve Chosen Distance, Choose Protection

Going no-contact or low-contact with family is rarely impulsive. It usually comes after years of emotional manipulation, betrayal, boundary violations, or subtle forms of abuse like gaslighting or guilt-tripping. But just because you've removed yourself from the emotional fallout doesn't mean you're safe — not if you don’t have a will.

Without a legally binding will, everything you’ve worked for can end up in the hands of the very people who hurt you — or their flying monkeys (the enablers who try to drag you back into the chaos).

Writing a will is more than a financial step. It’s a mental and emotional safeguard, a final boundary line drawn on your terms.

What Happens If You Die Without a Will?

The law doesn’t care who you wanted to inherit — it follows a fixed formula. In most Australian states, your estate goes first to your spouse, then your children, then to your parents and siblings, even if you're estranged.

So yes — the people who gaslit you, the ones who sent guilt-laden messages or triangulated your every move through cousins and neighbours — they may have a legal right to everything. Your house. Your savings. Even your dog.

Unless you stop them. With a clear, valid, and well-drafted will.

Clauses That Keep You in Control

Here’s what to include in your will if you want iron-clad protection against guilt, legacy theft, and family interference:

1. Name the Right People

Give your money, possessions, and superannuation to the people who actually matter to you — even if they’re not biologically related.

“I leave $30,000 to my best friend Natalie James, who has been my true support system.”

2. Exclude Who Needs to Be Excluded

If you're excluding family, don’t ignore them — name them. Silence can be seen as an oversight. Acknowledging them and giving a reason helps your executor defend your decision if it’s challenged.

“I have intentionally left nothing to my mother, [Name], due to a longstanding estrangement caused by repeated emotional abuse and boundary violations.”

3. Prepare a Statement of Reasons

Keep a separate signed statement (not part of the will) that details your reasons for excluding someone. This can reference things like emotional abuse, manipulation, estrangement, or specific events. It becomes powerful evidence if your will is contested.

4. Choose a Safe Executor

Do not appoint a family member or someone who might be influenced by them. Choose a friend, lawyer, or independent professional who understands the emotional landscape.

5. Add a No-Contest Clause

This clause says that if someone challenges the will, they get nothing. It isn’t foolproof under Australian law, but it’s a strong deterrent in many cases.

6. Consider a Testamentary Trust

If you’re leaving money to someone vulnerable (like a young person or someone recovering from trauma), a trust can protect that gift from interference by outside family members.

The Court does not have to take a statement of exclusion into account

Under section 60(2) of the Succession Act 2006 (NSW), the Court is required to consider a list of specific factors when assessing whether to make a family provision order — but a testator’s written statement of reasons for exclusion is not one of those mandatory factors.

However — it can still be relevant in some situations:

• If tendered as evidence (e.g. in an affidavit from the executor or through correspondence), a written statement explaining estrangement or exclusion may support a defence against a claim by helping to show the testator’s reasoning and that proper consideration was given.

• Courts have discretion to consider any relevant matters — so a well-reasoned statement can assist, especially when paired with other evidence (e.g. lack of contact, abusive conduct, financial independence of the excluded person).

So what’s recommended?

Rather than relying solely on a written statement of exclusion:

Include a clear clause in the will that acknowledges the excluded person and states you have chosen not to make provision for them.

e.g. “I make no provision for my daughter, Jane Smith, and this is an intentional decision.”

Prepare a separate affidavit or statutory declaration at the time of making the will (held by your lawyer), explaining your reasons. This can:

• Be introduced as evidence if a claim is brought.

• Help rebut assumptions that the exclusion was an oversight.

Document your relationship history (emails, texts, therapy records, etc.) if relevant. Courts will want context, and contemporaneous evidence often holds more weight than a posthumous letter.

Final Word:

The statement of exclusion alone won’t guarantee your wishes are upheld — but it’s part of a broader defensive strategy. It’s especially effective when:

• You’ve considered your legal obligations,

• There’s a clear explanation for your decisions, and

• You’ve taken steps to ensure the person is financially independent or already provided for

What You're Really Protecting

This isn’t just about money — it’s about reclaiming your voice. Your will is your final say. It’s the written, witnessed proof that you saw what happened, you made your choices, and you stood firm.

Many estranged people worry about backlash even after death — that their abusers will rewrite the narrative. But a clear, specific will is your chance to control the story and the outcome.

Practical Tips

• Don’t DIY your will. Family provision claims are complex — and abusive families often love loopholes.

• Talk to a lawyer who gets it. You need someone who understands trauma-informed planning.

• Keep your documents safe. If you’re worried about tampering, store your will with your lawyer or in a digital vault.

You Deserve Peace — Even After Death

You’ve done the hard work of setting boundaries in life. Don’t let the law undo that after you’re gone.

At Reframe Legal, we write about how people like you craft clear, protective wills that honour your reality — not a whitewashed version of your family tree. If you’re ready to create a will that reflects your truth and protects your legacy, we recommend speaking with a lawyer experienced in these matters.